Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

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Welcome back to the randomness. I’ve been out of commission for the past two weeks. A lot has been happening in my personal life but I have been stuck for topics. Every time I find a topic I want to write about Buzzfeed beats me to the punch. I don’t know if that means I am on the pulse of pop culture or I’m just as pathetic as Buzzfeed when it comes to writing. Either way, I’m back. I’m back with a little story about my life.

Mirrors. They have been the bane of my existence since I became aware of my body. Let me explain. Growing up I didn’t think much about how my body looked to the world. I enjoyed my life. I ate what I wanted. I ran around singing on the top of the lungs. I danced. I was completely open to what was to come.

Then the start of puberty happened. I remember this. Back when I was about 11 or 12 years old my Great Aunt Charlotte took me out to dinner and shopping on my birthday. I remember putting on a dress she wanted me to try. I was standing in the Macy’s three-way mirror when she said it.

You are a lady now. Suck in your stomach.

It was like a switch went off in my head. It was a dramatic switch. Sad music didn’t play like on the sitcoms I grew up with nor did I stare into the mirror pondering the statement. I just sucked in my stomach then went on with my life.

That statement stuck with me, though. Before I could look in the mirror, as me, and feel fine. Now I checked out every inch of my body while sucking in my stomach (a stomach I wasn’t even aware of till then).

I stopped looking straight at myself in the mirror. I would lower my eyes and only look at my body. I fussed with how my clothes looked. Comparing myself to my friends or celebrities. Mind you I grew up during the Paris Hilton Brat Pack era. Everyone was thinner than the normal human being.

That attitude continued throughout my teen years into my twenties. I would avoid mirrors. I just couldn’t do it. My brain wouldn’t let me look myself in the eye when looking at a mirror. I would even put a towel or zip up hoodie over my makeup mirror when I wasn’t using it.

Until recently.

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I had a health scare a year ago that prompted me to lose weight and start working on my own thought process. So far, as of this writing, I am down 70 pounds and have 50 more to go. That prompted me to take the towel off my makeup mirror. I started looking into my mirror and trying to appreciate what I have and what I am.  It was tough. I found myself averting my eyes. I would hear that inner voice make those nasty comments. Yet, I refused to listen.

Now, I find myself starting to look at the positive whenever I look at my face in the mirror. It doesn’t happen every day but it happens more often. I’m starting to learn that I’m worth it. I’m worth looking at and enjoying what I see.

It will be a long process but I’m finally on a more positive self-image I never expected to have.

Tell me what you do about mirrors. Do you look or are you working on your self-confidence as well?

Until next time, the randomness has ended. I hope you have enjoyed.

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The Third Place

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Welcome back to the randomness!

I have this weird obsession with overthinking every little thing. I know, shocker. I have started becoming obsessed with sitting in Starbucks. Almost everyone does it at some point in their lives. They sit there with computers, notebooks, books or their cell phones. No one looks nervous (usually) but in their own worlds. They are there to get out or they have nowhere else to go.

I’m not like those people. I want to sit in Starbucks. I think being able to watch people interact or just sit there could be a good way to spend the afternoon. I also could get some work done instead of being distracted by the television or my own thoughts.

Is it normal, though? Is it normal to go sit in a Starbucks for a few hours to work? I’ve seen people do it but is it weird. Should I even care what others think of me? I assume as long as a buy a drink or a snack every hour I would be golden with the staff.

This sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Being obsessed with sitting in Starbucks and the societal pressures that go along with sitting in public.

Is writing in public considered bad now? Anytime I think about grabbing my notebook or computer to a Starbucks this particular scene from Family Guy pops into my head.

There is a great blog post called, Why So many People Write at Starbucks, that claims that sitting in Starbucks is a good  thing because it gives writers a new perspective. That coffee shop environment changes the way we work and write. While I agree I keep getting hung up on the public judgement of people that sit in a Starbucks.

What do you think? Tell me below or head on over to my twitter to tell me your thoughts.

Until next time, the randomness has ended. I hope you enjoyed.